Senseless Rinoa Bashing: the first installment
by ArtanisZertul
Summary: read the title. Don't care if you flame, just read! BTW, if any of you pplz know where i can get a PS2 in the SF bay area, can u put it in your review? thanx


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Senseless Rinoa Bashing:

The First Instalment

By

Artanis (without Zeratul)

A/N: Again, Zeratul is without us. He is working on a "secret" project he won't tell me, or anyone else, about, for that matter. Also, he's currently obsessed with Majora's Mask. So I'm here, pissed and bored, because all the stores ran out of PS2s before I got home from school. So I'm here, letting out my anger by senselessly bashing Rinoa. And Rinoa fans unite! And as Zeratul says: BRING ON THE FLAMES! Go Trepies! And before I forget, 

Disclaimer: I'm taking a shot at poetry, since my good friend convinced me that it's not so bad.

Final Fantasy,

Never owned by me.

If you think that I do,

You should live at the zoo.

Now on with the story

The first sensless act of bashing

It all started a few weeks ago, at Squall and Rinoa's wedding. Right after Squall said, "I do", and it was Rinoa's turn, instead of saying, "I do", she said, "OOOUUUUUUUHHHHHH! Look at that little teddy bear! I want one daddy!" General Caraway said, "I knew I should have put her up for adoption. Ahhh, too late now." The little girl that had the teddy that Rinoa pointed at started running away, telling her mommy that she was afraid of "the crazy woman". 

A few seconds later, Rinoa ran out the door, in her wedding dress (that had a _very_ long train, by the way), right into pouring rain (it's raing like hell here in the Bay Area, so I make it just like that in this fic)! Just as great, the girl and her mommy were already down the road, driving in their Mercedes. She quickly ran into the Garden's Garage and took a buggy out to chase them. About half way there, she realized that the buggy had no top, and that she was getting drenched. Then, somehow, Squall showed up is the passenger seat of the buggy and said to her "You are a little slow, aren't you?" 

Now I have to take up more room to figure out how Squall got there. OK, first Edea brought Ultecima back to life. Next, Ultecima killed Cid Kramer and replaced him with Cid Highwind (he kicks ass!). Cid's _liberal_ amount of swearing convinced Ultecima to teleport Squall to Rinoa's current location. There, done. Now on with the ficcie.

Just then Squall noticed something. "Didn't you _not_ get your driver's license yet?" Rinoa replied, "OHHHH YYYYEEEEAAAAAHHHHH", and started to laugh like a retard. 

A few seconds later, Rinoa turned around and suddenly started to go the way they came from. After another few minutes, she drove around to the entrance of Ifrit's Cave, and started to crash into the wall repeatedly. Squall tried to stop her, but after his second try, she rendered him unconscious. Another 5 times later, the car blew up and Rinoa and Squall were blasted 20 feet away. 

3 days later, Zell was wandering around, looking for exp. Then he thought of Ifrit's Cave. Once he got there, he found Squall and Rinoa, just barely alive, outside Ifrit's Cave. He brought them both to the Garden's Infirmary. Squall was just fine, because once he awakened, he used Curaga on himself. Rinoa, again, was a little slow on the uptake. 

The first words out of her mouth when she woke up were, "NOOOO! Where are my beloved Teletubies?!? And Barney?!? How could they do this to me? Oh wait, I'm alive!" 

Life was the same for the next to days. On the third day, though, Rinoa made a very important announcement:

"All of my friends and lovers" Everybody cocked their eyebrows and looked at her strangely, "I have a very important announcement to make. I, Rinoa Heartilly, am actually, *drumroll, courtesy of Tony (a drummer in my school's marching band)*, keep on going *keeps on going* Keep it up *I pull out my trumpet and begin playing* yes, keep on going *Sorren, my friend, pulls out her sax* you guessed it, keep on going *the rest of the band, except for one person, start playing* hello? *now, the last person, Elbert (Zeratul), stops staring at another person he likes, and starts playing his flute* there, now I can make my announcement. I, am a… *you can hear out band screamer, Sarah Brown, shouting "NOOOOO" in slow motion in the background* man. *the band finishes the Ghost Busters theme*

Also, I love *band starts playing the Adam's Family theme* just a few more measures, OK, now is a good time, Selphie. 

*you can see Selphie running away, screaming "noooooooo! Must return to trabia to escape her! Ahhhhhhhh!" "No my love, come back to me! I need you!"

It's still raining outside, and Rinoa gets the buggy out to chase Selphie. Then the whole fiasco starts again.

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End Part One

A/N II: Alright, that did not end like I planned it. Eh, I called almost every store that even had a _possibility _of having it, and *band starts playing Jaws theme* NONE OF THEM HAD IT! What a surprise… At least I took out my anger on Rinoa. If any of you reviewers out there live anywhere near the Bay Area in California, USA, and know where I might be able to get a PS2, please put it in your review. Also, I'm sorry if that part where Rinoa announces she is a man confuses you, my comps' screwed up, stupid auto-correct. Alright, I'm ranting. J Hope you like this story! And please be a responsible reader and review, I don't care if it's a flame. I know I will get a lot of Flames from Rinoa lovers.

è è G2G!è è review~! Thanx!è è cya!è è


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